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about

my journals. 2001 - 2012

Journal of a Gay Kid is the story of how I learned how to love myself. I have written in journals since I was thirteen years old, and from my first kiss with a girl to the summer I came out, transcribed every major event of my life as they happened. From high school to University, ages 15 to 21, I will be scanning my journal entries to show how I managed to overcome depression and become comfortable in my own skin. Although I felt very alone as a teenager, I always had my journal.

faq

1. Who are you?

  • I am a 26-year-old writer and server living in Vancouver. I grew up in Winnipeg, MB and graduated from the University of Winnipeg with a BA in English.

2. Why are you publishing your private journal entries online? 

  • I am making this writing public because I feel it might be of use to a teenager struggling with their sexuality, or a parent/friend who is trying to relate to a loved one in the process of coming out. The content of these entries can also be useful to anyone suffering from depression, anxiety or who is simply going through a hard time. My ultimate goal is to inspire hope by showing people that it does get better; it just takes a little bit of work and a heck of a lot of patience.

3. Are you suffering from depression/thoughts of suicide? Are you posting your journals online in an attempt to resolve your own problems?

  • No and no. I do suffer from depression, but it is not related to my sexual identity and is not nearly severe as it was during my youth. My bouts with the mental illness are more weather-related than anything else. (Living under a cloud for ten months can start to get you down!) I only ever thought about suicide for a short period of time when I was fifteen years old, which I would describe as my darkest time.
  • I consider myself at a very, very safe distance from the person who wrote these words. The fact is, I do not share the same brain with the fifteen/sixteen year-old who you are reading. I did get help, however, to address my problems with depression and sexual identity. In University, I saw a counsellor for just short of two years who helped me a lot.

4. I am a teenager who is in the closet and facing the same struggle as you did. Will these journal entries give me the help I need to overcome depression or the support to come-out?

  • No, but they will help you to articulate the emotions you are experiencing. It is much easier to see depression/anxiety in someone else than it is yourself. If someone told me when I was fifteen “you are experiencing depression and these are the symptoms” then I would have been more likely to seek treatment earlier. The fact is, I had no clue I was depressed until I was in my second year of University. If you are facing the same struggle I did, my best advice is to get help in any, way, shape or form. There are plenty of resources on and offline which you can use. If that is not an option for you, then journal, journal, journal. Writing is one of the greatest healing powers at your disposal.

5. How old were you and how did your parents/friends react when you finally came out?

  • I was nineteen when I came out to my parents at the Keg. (lol) I would say it took about four years before my friends, family and most importantly, myself, were comfortable with my new sexual identity. My mom, a Roman Catholic, reacted unsure at first but quickly grew positive when she began to educate herself on queer culture, politics and history. My dad did not react negatively, but it took several years before the two of us got back to the same page (albeit a slightly modified one). My sister and the majority of my friends and co-workers were supportive from the get-go. I lost a few friends in the coming-out process, but re-kindled their friendships years later.

6. Do you have a boyfriend/husband?

  •  No. As far as I know my Prince Charming is still in wait. I have dated a lot of frogs though. 

7. Can I contact you if I have a question?

 For sure! You can email me at rugged.fox@gmail.com or use the form on the Contact section and I will do my best to respond as soon as I can. NOTE: I am not a counsellor or qualified doctor. I serve tables. If you are in Crisis please call a Crisis Line. Here are a couple you can use!

The Trevor Lifeline – 1-866-488-7386

National Suicide Prevention Line – 1-800-273-8255

Kids Help Phone – 1-800 – 668-6868